We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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