Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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