Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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