Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
