that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize