you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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