I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
