He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
