Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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