Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I love you. Go after that dick
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