also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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