Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
