Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
