the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
