i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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