they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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