when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
