I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Randomize
