We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
