I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
