Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
