I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
