If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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