I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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