Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just saw a hot homeless man
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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