It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
