I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
