i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize