yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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