I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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