That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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