I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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