i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
