Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
