it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
