at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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