Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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