He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize