Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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