Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
