Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The air was thick with penises
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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