I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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