proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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