The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i love accidental penises.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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