thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
