my soul wont recognize me after tonight
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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