wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So many bounce houses so little time
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
