Sober January is a disaster.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
