My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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