I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
