I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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