You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
