You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
it wasn't lemon gatorade
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
