guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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