Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
