I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
