Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
