so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
