my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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