She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
