Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
