I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize