We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
