I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Pooping to opera.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
