just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
