im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize