We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
