I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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