Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Randomize
