my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
