I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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