The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
