Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
