yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Let's get the cat blown out
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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